22 March 2010

"If I Were In Charge Of The World"

My second grade teacher read to us a lot (Probably most second grade teachers do, but I don't know for sure since I was only in the second grade once.) We all enjoyed read aloud time. She read us poetry, picture books, and occasionally even a chapter book. We sure all felt grown up when she pulled out the first chapter book. I remember her reading to us about the grouchy ladybug, Amelia Bedilia, and Ramona Quimby.

By far the classes favorite book was If I Were In Charge of the World by Judith Vorst. Occasionally our teacher would reward exceptional behavior by allowing a student to pick out the book for read aloud time. Invariably whoever the lucky student was would pick If I Were In Charge of the World. Soon we all knew the book by heart and would say it along with her.

I don't remember the whole thing anymore, but I do remember that if the unnamed character were in charge of the world he would cancel Monday mornings and oatmeal. I thought those were noble goals. I also remember that the book ended by saying, "If I were in charge of the world,a person who sometimes forgot to brush, and sometimes forgot to flush, would still be allowed to be in charge of the world." And after we all finished saying that part we would cringe, and offer our commentary of "eww...gross," and feel confident that our seven years of superior dental hygiene qualified each of us to be in charge of the world.

Now that I am no longer in second grade I have sadly realized that despite my years of consistent toilet flushing, I probably will never be in charge of the world. This is mainly because the world is not ruled by one person, but power is distributed among multiple leaders in many nations. And unfortunately those people will gather to discuss things ranging from health care to climate change to the lack of a BCS playoff, but seem content to leave Monday mornings and oatmeal alone.

But if I ever am in charge of the world, I will institute a new checkpoint at airports. It will be a smell check were people who have particularly bad body odor, halitosis, or whose clothes smell like smoke will not be allowed on the plane until their odors are neutralized. We already take off our shoes, jackets, and belts and submit to pat-down searches with the expectation that this somehow makes our flights more secure. I don't think it would be that much more invasive to have someone say "Excuse me sir, you need to take a shower before you can get on this flight." And it would certainly make flying a more enjoyable experience for all involved.

10 March 2010


My AP kids are starting to get some personality. Perhaps the prospect of the upcoming spring break has inspired them.

I gave the kids a quiz. I listed five terms from the chapter they just finished reading and asked them to define and identify the significance of each one. Rebecca did an excellent job on the first four terms, but I don't think she finished reading the chapter. This was her answer to number five:

"So, I used to work at souper salad, but then I quit because it got to be too much to handle with school and what not. But last night I went to visit my old boss and the people who worked there and I made them cookies and I walked in and saw a cute guy and tripped. :("

04 March 2010

I Have Decided

After much thought and contemplation I have come to the following conclusions:

Everyone should make a snow angel at least twice in their lifetime.

I am a better teacher when my feet don't hurt, therefore I do not have a large selection of cute shoes.

Any problem a Band-aid can solve is not an emergency.

No one on the planet should be required to be awake before 6:00 in the morning.